I don’t want to contact my family right now, and Christmas is coming quite too soon for my liking. I’m not proud of my achievements if any in the past year, I’m still unemployed, with no money, many unrealised goals, and I just feel like a empty waste of space and yet again a burden to the people around me because nothing substantial is happening in my life, how can I be called an adult..
I need a kick-start of motivation, until then I’m going to stay here in someone else’s caravan living another life in Minecraft.
I grew a 15 day moustache, its gone now, & I think I need a haircut..
I remember the time before I had a source of income, when I would settle for the simpler things in my life, the things that I could get without spending much money, if any at all. But now that I know what its like to be able to go out and do or get things which I can afford, I want to do it more often.
I feel that I’m getting bored much faster than I used to with my current possessions and keep wanting things that I cannot reasonably afford. I also know that I definitely owe the family that I’m living with as I’m really just a burden on their living expenses, especially whilst they’re building.
A job would definitely ease this feeling of guilt, envy and greed that I have. Though after being rejected from each place I’ve applied so far and the additional complications with my study, and government benefits, I’m finding it quite harder to motivate myself as I don’t usually have much confidence in myself anyway.
Centrelink has a flawed system regarding my claim. I hate getting stuffed around, first it was by RMIT and then consequently after that by Centrelink! No leniency what so ever for people learning how the system works, just debt.. cheers.
I logged in to my student email for shits and giggles, and am now active in the enrolment system. All I have to do is fill out a variation of enrolment form and submit it by Monday and I should be enrolled! After I do that I am most definitely giving Centrelink a call back!
Apparently I’m not allowed to trust the majority of my friends, all minus one, because I have only known them for three or so years, Yeah that’s a bit hurtful.
I told my friend what I thought of her statement and how the majority of the people I believe to be my friends are those I met in the past few years, she felt bad and later came to apologise to me. She trusts me not to abandon her, and cross my heart I don’t want that to happen.
I don’t know who you are but I’ve made this GIF for you:
So my friend is a little annoyed with me since I don’t want to discuss the chance that I may possibly have signs of testicular cancer. I don’t want to find out that I do have it and possibly can’t have children, that’d be the absolute worst for me. Though being the good friend she is she is planning to book me a consultation with her doctors office, it could be nothing but I’m really worried it isn’t.
The only reason this topic came up in conversation in the first place is because she freaking sack tapped me for no reason.
Everything is fine, I got checked out and there was nothing wrong!
Been back at mum’s place for nearly a week with her still not wanting anything to do with me, even after I did all the ‘chores’ she asked of me. First words I hear from her in days are her demanding to know if I have any of ‘her’ food stashed in my room, then procedes to stomp away yelling a bunch of insults and complaining about stupid shit.
An example of her frame of mind is that the postman delivering someone elses mail at our address is actually my fault?
I’m going back to my mums house today, but I can tell she doesn’t want me back. I figured this as she spammed my phone yesterday with, lets just say ‘negative messages’ whilst she was having another typical rant about how everything is shit, how I’m a useless son, etcetera, etcetera..
It makes me very anxious to see what will happen..
Why would I deserve any of this.
Those people who say that they hate people who judge others are simply hypocrites, and it is such a redundant thing to say. Those who say they don’t judge others are either lying or just ignorant to the fact that they are judging, because we all have an opinion and that will not always be a bad thing.
I had about 3 assignments due within the next two days, it was difficult to concentrate with the effects of my personal life so I took a break and wrote some lyrics instead:
"I get depressed - because I know I’ll never be perfect,
I get depressed - when I don’t think you’re proud of me,
I get depressed - because I feel that I’m a failure,
All I really want is for you to say you love me,
Because your love will make me strong as I have to be.”
I’d be interested in anyone’s comments, good or bad I don’t care.
I’m finding a reason to hate everything and everyone today, luckily there’s been nobody at my house all day, because that would definitely not turn out so well for me or them.
Everything could of and should have been so much better than I have made it be, I’m disappointed with where I am in life and not knowing what the hell I want to end up doing to support myself. I’m upset that I haven’t kept in touch with some people who I wanted to and haven’t taken the opportunity to develop friendships when I could of.
We are the best friends ever! Surprise dinner for ShyGuy
It was my 19th birthday this week and I hadn’t expected anything special, but luckily for me my friends thought I deserved to have a small celebration. So the night before my birthday I got a call to go for a drive, I agreed then got in their car and ended up at Nandos for a surprise birthday dinner! I felt pretty special, trying not to smile, it was a really nice feeling.
My responses to thearrow-n-theapple.tumblr.com:
1. Would you have sex with the last person you messaged?
Considering the last person I messaged was my brother, I really don’t think I’d want to do that.
2. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Yes I could, however I have already smoked before because I was curious as to why people did it. So thats no longer an option.
3. Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?
All the time, but that’s probably just due to how I see and sense from the people around me.
4. Will next Friday be a good one?
I suppose so, I can’t really assess it before I experience it though, but I hope it will be.
5. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
The weekend just started and I’m at my best mate’s place, so I don’t think I am particularly supposed to be doing anything, though I do have several assignments I have to complete for TAFE.
6. Want any tattoos?
Recently I thought about this and I think over the course of my lifetime I might consider developing a tattoo on my left arm spanning from my wrist to my shoulder, however I think I should go to the gym and bulk up a little before then.
7. Your favourite adult as a child? ( Not your parents, if they were your favourite.)
I have never really looked up to anyone as my role model, and I know you said to not choose a parent but I have to say that my favourite feelings or memories from my childhood were whenever my dad was around. Very precious..
8. Killed an animal?
Sadly yes, I once had a pet rabbit and I accidentally starved it to death, it was so sad when I saw it struggling for life when I came home, I tried to help it but it was too late, I cried a lot after mum made me burry it in the backyard..
9. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
I have no compelling urges to go swimming with sharks, and I’m not really a strong swimmer.
10. Who did you last call?
Ghost Busters! Actually the last person I called was a customer service representative.
11. What do you wear to bed?
Whatever I feel comfortable in really, usually I either wear my pyjamas, trackies or briefs.
My responses to incomprehensiblescribbles.tumblr.com:
1. Would you consider modelling naked for a life drawing class?
If I got paid for it, felt physically attractive and nobody I knew was taking the class I might consider it.
But no, I think I’d be a bit too self-conscious to do that anyway.
2. Are you happy with your life currently?
I don’t see any advantage on focusing on the negative, but I do feel that I’m not in the position I wanted to and thought I should have been in right now, so I’m a bit disappointed with myself.
3. If you answered no to previous question, why don’t/can’t you change it?
(If you answered yes just move along you’re not needed here)
There’s always something more I could do to improve myself to get to where and how I want to be, and I know that nothing will just happen, but I’m simply not finding myself motivated to do anything.
Fetishes, well I’m going to assume you mean ‘what turns you on’ so I think I’d have to say that I like the neck and collarbone area, though I do love a great smile and deep coloured eyes.
5. Ambitions in life or just in general?
My personal ambition in life is to create my own family, meaning that I want to be able to settle down and start a family with someone I love and who loves me just as much in return.
6. Feminist or sexist? Explain.
I don’t think I am either, but if you’re referring to my preference I would choose to be with a sexist rather than a feminist as they aren’t necessarily biased either way.
7. Create your own question and place is here, I’m too lazy to make another question.
If I woke up tomorrow with a new ability what would I want? I have been thinking about this recently and I think I would want the ability to manipulate time within my life span.
8. Have you lost someone close to you? if so, (and if it’s not too much to ask) expand on it.
Well luckily nobody close to me has died yet, touch wood, but I suppose I have ‘lost’ a few people who have held some kind of meaning to me, but I usually care about everyone I meet, so maybe.
9. Would you rather be around people or stay home?
Truthfully I would rather be around other people than be on my own, preferably people I know and trust, yet I am known to be a bit of a wallflower publicly and do casually enjoy time by myself.
10. Draw me a picture and post it as your answer.
Well, I didn’t just draw you a picture but I found something you might remember from maths..
11. Favourite season?
My favourite season would have to be Spring, because I feel that it has elements of each season.
Firstly the rules:
1. Repost these rules.
2. Answer the questions set for you by the tagger in their post and then in a new post make 11 new questions.
3. Tag people to answer by linking them in your new post.
4. Let them know they have been tagged.
I’m was told that I had to think of 11 questions to ask you, so here they are:
1. This first question I will ask you to make and then answer, so make it count.
2. When you were a little kid, what did you actually want to be when you grew older?
3. Who and or what makes you feel the happiest above all other things?
4. Do you ever want to have a family of your own? If so why and if not why not?
5. How would you categorise yourself within the current standings of the human race?
6. What were your first thoughts of me and what do you think of me now?
7. If you were to listen to one more song before you died what song would you choose?
8. Share with me your feelings and opinion on a current social issue of your choice.
9. How would you describe the world you live in and what one thing would you change?
10. What animal do you think represents your characteristics and true identity?
11. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Explain.
I’ll give you the choice if you want to participate or not, my answers are here: shyguysupreme2.tumblr.com